Better Late Than Never, Right?!

I know, it's been a while.  I haven't read a blog in weeks and I obviously haven't been paying any attention to my own.  It's to the point now where so much has happened and I am feeling really behind, so I am going to spare the details for now and just get the happenings out there.

Kalie and Mark both had birthdays at the end of October!  And my camera battery was dead and the charger missing so I took pics with Michelle's camera and I still need to get them from her!

Then we had Halloween!!  It's one of my favorite holidays!

 

Ellie (my niece) is the banana.  So cute!!

Then a few days after Halloween we had our first real snow and we got all dressed up and made a snowman!!  It was so much fun!  We haven't really had any snow since, until today- we had just a little.

Then I got a dog (yes another one).  His name is Toby and he is almost 6 months old.  Housetrained for the most part, and he is a black standard poodle - the big kind.  This announcement deserves a whole post, but I just can't go there right now.  I'll just say that it is going a lot better than the last time.  Yes, sometimes he drives me crazy, but he really is a good, fairly mellow dog.  Oh yeah, and he had diarrhea on Sunday.  FUN!

                        

Then we had the most beautiful Thanksgiving at my sister-in-law's house.  The table was GORGEOUS!!

And then the most fabulous day.  My birthday of course!  It was on a Sunday, so we went out the night before.  Then on my birthday Mark made ensalada caprese and the most delicious pizzas ever!!  Seriously.  He cooked them on pizza stones and he made his own heavenly sauce.  And he made the dough the night before and then got up at 2 in the morning to put it in the fridge. And then the next day he watched all my friends' kids so we could go to lunch (he has Mondays off).  Wow, what a man!! 

 

Whew!  That's about it.  Now I am feeling the stress of December.  I've never really been this stressed at Christmas time before!  I think it is partly  being overwhelmed at trying to make this time of year special for myself and my girls, the way my Mom made it special for me when I was a kid (and even when I grew up).  And then of course I miss her so incredibly much!  But I am just trying to remember to enjoy each moment.  And trying not to worry about the past or the future, just trying to enjoy today!!   

Confessions...

This is a rather long post so be prepared...

Ok, so it's been a while since this confession happened (at least a month).  As some of you know, I have been doing weird things lately.  It's something like an early mid-life crisis I guess, or maybe I'm just really bored, I don't know.  This we will call the horseback riding incident.

I suddenly found myself obsessed with horses.  I have no idea where it came from, but all I wanted to do was move out to a farm and have horses and ride them all the time, and of course have some chickens and maybe a cow and a garden.  You get the picture.  I knew this would not be happening anytime soon so I settled on doing some horseback riding lessons instead.  I figured I would have to learn about horses if I was going to own them right?  But mostly I just wanted to have a chance to ride.

So I spent a few weeks on the computer looking for nearby lessons.  There are actually quite a few stables around here, who knew?  I eventually found a very cheap lesson (only $15 an hour!) on my new favorite...KSL.  (For those of you who don't know, KSL.com is like craig's list but it's specific to Utah and so much cooler.)  Yes, KSL has become my enabler for my obsessive behaviors. 

When my scheduled lesson came up I was already into my dog obsession.  My lesson was actually the day after we took Buddy back so I really wasn't feeling the horse thing anymore.  I had already changed obsessions and my heart was sad :(  But I went anyway.

I was a little skeptical of my teacher because we had only exchanged emails and she tended to spell words wrong...a lot.  But maybe she just wasn't a good typist.  Horse people can be like that you know. 

So I went out to the middle of nowhere BY MYSELF.  I was a little scared.  I coulnd't find the address she had given me anywhere.  The 5 houses on the street did not have numbers on them.  So I drove around for 20 minutes and finally a car pulled up to the suspected house and a lady and her 11 year old daughter stepped out with gas station drinks in hand.

Me: Is this 925 East?

Lady:  Yeah

Me:  I'm supposed to meet April here?

Lady:  I'm April

Me:  Oh, uh, well are we still meeting today?

Lady:  Yeah, we just went and got drinks at the gas station.

Me:  Thinking to myself...What the heck?!  I hope they don't kidnap me.  Who goes to get a drink when you're supposed to be teaching a lesson?!

I'll try to make this short because this story is getting very LONG.

During our lesson I was told that the horse I would be riding might try to bite me when I was putting the saddle on.  Also, it might go crazy and brake the post it was tied to (it had broken 3 before).  Also I might see her daughter fall off her horse because she was training him.  She rescued most, if not all, of her horses from random places.  I think most of them were rescued from the glue factory, but clearly the horses had some issues.  Not that they should be killed because of them but maybe they weren't the best for beginners or people who are a little scared.

I did not see any of these things happen, luckily, but the damage was done.  I was real scared, I admit.  I did get to witness the other horse bite the daughter on the butt as she was cleaning out his hooves though.  Now that was a treat.  She suddenly flew into an enormous fit complete with tears, screaming, and hitting.  Yes, she was hitting the horse in the face and screaming, "Don't bite me.  Don't bite!"  It was awkward to say the least.

The actual lesson went a lot better, but I never felt 100% comfortable.  I didn't quite trust this woman with my life and safety on a very large animal.

At the end of the lesson I was leading the horse back to the tying post.  This is not my favorite, I get scared that the horse is going to step on me and I knew that the horse did not like the post.  She seriously just ran off ahead of me because she was getting a new horse and the people were there with the horse to drop off.  So I was leading the horse by myself and it didn't want to go the right way and then it just stopped and wouldn't budge.  I was pushing it with my shoulder, but nothing.  We were about 15 feet away from the dreaded pole.  I had to yell, "Um, excuse me?  I need a little help here."  Then she suddenly remembered me and came to help.

I was too chicken to say to her face that I didn't feel comfortable with everything and I would not be coming back.  So I acted like I would and then I emailed her a few days later and said that things were too crazy in my life right now to be doing regular lessons.  Plus I was completely into my dog obsession and I can only deal with one obsession at a time.

So maybe sometime in the future I will try again at a more professional, beginner-friendly stable.  She was a very nice, knowledgeable lady, but I just couldn't trust her that what she thought was safe, really was.

So we have horse obsession, dog obsession, and my next obsession...decorating.  Coming soon...(my camera battery is dead and the charger is lost so when it's done and I have a camera I'll post)

Sniff...sniff

Yes, I am crying (but not really).  We had to say goodbye to Buddy :(   After much thought we decided that it was best for all involved to take Buddy back to his mommy dog and first family.  Let me explain...to say that last week was crazy would be a major understatement.  I came down with a massive sinus infection last Friday night (right when we got him...maybe it was a sign.)  I NEVER get sick so this was weird.  Then the entire week I had major trouble sleeping.  I NEVER have trouble sleeping.  And then on top of that I completely lost my appetite.  If you know me, then you know that this is unheard of!!  I was forcing myself to eat because I was getting so weak.  I would start to feel nauseous in the middle of the night and have to get up and shove a piece of bread and glass of milk down my throat.  I couldn't figure out if stress was making me sick or if I was sick and the stress wouldn't let me get better.  I lost five pounds in just last week and I wasn't trying to at all.  I was just trying to survive!  Now that is definitely abnormal.  So I knew that my body was not handling things well...at all. I was in a constant pull of trying to take care of my new puppy and trying to take care of my kids.  I felt like I had a full time stay at home job and was trying to be a good mom at the same time.  It doesn't work!!  I couldn't do both things well.  I really wanted to take the time to train and exercise Buddy but it was nearly impossible with two young children who constantly need me. 

A week later, Friday night, I was beyond exhaustion.  I had been sick for a whole week, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and was so full of anxiety and stress I was a zombie.  Mark got home from work and I was just in a daze.  After discussing things we decided we needed to take Buddy back.  So we called the family we got him from (I thought that was the respobsible thing to do even though it was humiliating).  They said we could bring him back, but it was clear they were not happy about it.

Sarah cried when I told her and then I cried and then she cried more and said, "Don't cry Mommy, don't cry."  I think she was more upset that I was crying then the thought of taking Buddy back.   

It was a quick goodbye.  As the lady starting writing out a check to give us our money back Mark told her to forget it.  Ouch!!  Double hurt.  We also gave them all of the stuff that we had bought for Buddy.  So we took a big financial beating. 

Then on Saturday and Sunday I got really, really sad.  I missed him a lot.  I felt like I had just been through a major break up with someone I still cared about.  I even stalked him.  I looked up his ad on ksl.com.  Big mistake.  Then I had to force myself not to call them and beg and plead to have him back.  I just kept telling myself it was for the best.  See, sounds like a break up huh?

I went to church on Sunday and was just praying that I could move on and get it off my mind.  By Sunday night I was feeling much better.  I really really want to have a dog, but I now know that this is not the right time for us.  I was extremely naive.  I want to do it right, when I have time to work with the dog, so that I have a well behaved companion, and a back yard with a fence would be really helpful too.  So lets have a moment of silence for Buddy (I know he's not dead, but he's gone, GONE!)

P.S. Sorry to all those I've ignored or had an emotional break down in front of this past week.  I think I'm back to normal, I think.

What Have I Done?

For those of you who have not heard, we got a puppy.  His dad is an eskimo/poodle mix and his mom is a toy poodle so he is a fluffy poodlish little dog that we named Buddy.  Last week I became obsessed with getting a dog.  I don't know why, but it was all I could think about.  Kind of like when you are a kid and you cannot wait for Christmas.  Yes, it was pathetic.  I think something is wrong with me.  When my life is settled I get all anxious to do something crazy, like get a dog.  Last year it was a job and the year before that it was moving from Arizona to Utah.  Yes, I definitely have some issues.  So anyways, I talked (actually begged and pleaded) Mark into getting this puppy.  He actually let me, but really there was no stopping me.  The first night he was here I could not sleep.  It wasn't all excitement though.  I was feeling a little bit of, "Oh no what have I done?  What if this doesn't work out?"  But I was still very excited of course and loved him.  So after almost a week of getting up in the middle of the night to take him potty and playing referee between kids and dog I have many mixed feelings.  Tuesday I told Mark, "Maybe we should sell him."  I couldn't believe I said it.  I was waiting for the big fat I Told You So.  But sweet ole Mark didn't say it.  Then again last night I said it.  Mark told me that I need to be responsible and follow through with my decisions.  He is exactly right.  So I have been flip flopping with 1)this is my responsibility, just give it time, he is only a baby right now and 2)there is no freakin' way I can do this!  This morning I'm feeling good about it.  I feel like he is getting better and learning every day.  I just need to learn how to teach him right and wrong.  So here is the newest addition to our family, Buddy:

Jobs

Sarah has recently gotten very excited about doing jobs...only because she wants to earn all sorts of princess dolls, the top of the list being Sleeping Beauty, a prince, a horse, and Cinderella. It has been really great for me because I can get her to do practically anything. The other day we had this conversation:

Sarah: "Mom, is jobs called wiping?" (as she is sitting on the potty)

Me: Big smile, "Yes, if you wipe yourself that will be a job." (I've been trying to get her to wipe herself for months now.)

Sarah: "Is that a good choice?"

Me: "Yes, that is a VERY good choice."

We'll see if it lasts...